15 Apr Wednesday, April 15, 2009
I have received this question over and over again- I though it reasonable to answer and share this with you all. My response may seem angry but I can assure, beyond any shadow of a doubt, I am not. I use the language I do simply to illustrate my point and convey faith- nothing more. So please, do not be “put out” or angry at me- that is the LAST thing I want- trust me.
Repeatedly, I have been asked, “Why did you let her go?” my answer is/was as follows:
I don’t know if you know this but I am a cardiologist (ironic I know). I have been in this situation many times with patients of mine and have always felt that life is not just a heartbeat. If one were to consider the impact on our family, my two other children and my wife, it can be very difficult when you actually stop and think about the consequences of a spur of the moment decision. Luckily, I have faced this dilemma and have been blessed with the opportunity to consider this in several occasions and always felt like it should be up to God. Combined with my insight as a physician and my faith in God, I felt this was the right thing to do. Letting her go (or perhaps a better term is to follow God’s will) was the MOST difficult decision I have ever made or likely will have ever made. I had trusted in God that far, begged for guidance, pleaded for mercy, and asked you all for help- to me it was clear that He (God) wanted her. He chose to give us some time to “say goodbye” and for this we were/are so grateful. I think it would be unfair for me to say I believe in God, follow His lead, then at the last minute, decide that I knew better. I think my insight as a physician in this case was a blessing and not a curse. I felt a sense of peace that God had given us this chance- I was not going to let Him down nor was I going to let our beautiful Kari down. Some- perhaps many- will argue with this- that’s why I didn’t ask their permission. I miss her so incredibly much it is difficult to speak about this without losing control, but in the end it was NOT about me or my wife, or my kids, or for that matter, any of you- it was about listening to God the entire time, not just when it seemed to fit or when it was convenient. This to me is the definition of faith- this is the “walking the walk” after “talking the talk”. time will tell if I was right but it rests on me, between me and God- that’s it. I hope this answers your question. I don’t mind people who ask- I would rather them ask, listen to my response, and decide for themselves. Once again, if I can help don’t hesitate to ask- now that Kari is gone, she would, I hope, be proud of her dad for helping others. After all, that’s seems to be what she did from the day she was born. I hope I can make her as proud of me as I am of her.